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Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp
Parenting books aren’t my favourite. Great way to start a blog post, right? But I’ve got this personality that wants to do everything right, the first time, and parenting books make me feel like I’m failing, and have failed and will continue to fail, because parenting is hard. There are a million small and large decisions to make, five hundred thousand curve balls to be caught with your hand or your face or missed entirely. There is no road map (much to my dismay). So, as much as I don’t enjoy parenting books to the nth degree, they can be very helpful and thought-provoking. Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp was a helpful kind of parenting book.
Though the book was originally published in 1995, and revised in 2005, the book is still very applicable to parenting in 2021, as the main focus is the heart. Tedd talks about our lives reflecting our hearts. In Proverbs it says that you should, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Tripp says over and over again that “[b]ehavior isn’t the issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart” (Page 4).
The book itself is set up in two parts: Foundations for Biblical Childrearing and Shepherding Through the Stages of Childhood. Tedd gives you a great foundation, and then translates it into each life stage of children – from infancy, to childhood, to the teenage years. Each chapter has thought-provoking application questions that I found really helpful in thinking through how each foundation would apply to my own parenting.
Going back to the heart, Tedd reiterates a few times that behaviour shouldn’t be the crux of our parenting successes or fails. If our children are not continually shown back to the cross and their need for it, they won’t ever understand why they are to behave the way we desire them to behave. “Your focus must be what it means for you to honour God in your family life, not how to get your kids in line. Getting your kids in line is a by-product of honouring God.” (Page 160).
Parenting is a tall order. It isn’t easy, and I so appreciated this little reminder from Tedd, “[t]o do this job of parenting well, it must be a primary task. It is your primary calling.” (Page 101). These small people we are given are a huge job; one we can’t do well if we don’t allot the time and weight it requires. The responsibility we have can and should feel daunting, but we have hope! Tedd iterates our need to rely on God. “In all of this you must pray that God will work in and around your efforts and the responses of your children to make them people who know and honour God” (Page 26).
Not only do we have the struggle of our own figuring-things-out, but the culture around us likes to throw in their 2 cents (or more). God has given us His Word, the promise that He hears us when we pray (John 9:31), and will give us wisdom when we ask for it (James 1:5). The world has a lot to say about the way we do things in this parenting relationship. Strive to remember that God should have the last say in this area, as with every other area in our lives.
As stated in the opening paragraph – parenting books are tough. But Shepherding a Child’s Heart has something that most parenting books don’t have – a heart focus. Without that focus, we’ll be banging our heads on a proverbial (or perhaps literal) wall. Our children need their hearts softened by God. Tedd Tripp has some great ideas on how we can facilitate that and train them up in the way they should go.
Tedd Tripp has a great resume for working with children. He was a pastor, counselor, school administrator, and the father of three. Tedd and his wife run Shepherding The Heart Ministries.
*Everything quoted in this article are from the book Shepherding a Childs Heart, by Tedd Tripp and from the ESV Bible.
A blog post by Kayleigh Perry
September 15, 2021.